How we got to where we are now…

Here we are…I did it…I made a blog. I’ve read all of the ones out there and decided to share my own story. My ups, my downs, my constant anxious mind. Thanks for following along, I’d love to hear from all of you on your journeys as well. I hope my story can help you along your way.

Quick background on my TTC (trying to conceive) journey.

May 2015 – my boyfriend of 4 years and I decide to go off of birth control and start trying to conceive. At this point I was 35 and he was turning 31. We were both in great health, although he was diagnosed with colitis and had a hydrocele that was to be removed in Feb 2016. I was tracking my base temperature in the morning and using the app Kindara to track my cycle – I highly recommend this app and the community of women that come along with it!

June, July, August 2015 – BFN (Big fat negative)

September 2015 – I visit my family dr and tell him we haven’t conceived yet and he puts in a recommendation to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist). BFN

October, November 2015 – BFN

December 2015 – First appointment with RE. Basically they just take down all of our info and past health history and our plan to conceive. But…..then they shut down for 2 weeks over Christmas holidays….so there goes ANOTHER cycle. BFN

January 2016 – Start cycle monitoring with RE. Have an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) and he says this will be a “monitoring” cycle. They do give me the trigger shot at ovulation time to assist and see what happens. I turn 36 and am violently ill with 24 hour flu that day. 2 weeks later I got my very first BFP (big fat positive)!! HOLY SH*T!!

February 2016 – OVER THE MOON BUT TERRIFIED!!! We are excited and anxious and unfortunately turning to dr google with every sign and symptom because I’m stressing about everything- I feel like this is pretty normal though. I had a very low beta to start with and that freaked me out. At 6 weeks we saw the fetal pole and heartbeat!!! I was on progesterone suppositories morning and night. At 8 weeks we were measuring a little behind…..and then I started spotting. Light brown. Darker brown. Dark red. Bright red. Clinic was closed and we went first thing Monday morning – the same day my boyfriends surgery was scheduled to remove his hyrdocele (for those that don’t know what that is – don’t google it. It was caused by a previous hernia surgery and it’s basically a large testicle filled with fluid). So they did an internal scan of the baby and confirmed there was no longer a heartbeat, the baby hadn’t progressed and this was a natural miscarriage and to come back when I stopped bleeding in a few weeks. Devastating. Heartbroken. Destroyed.

March 2016 – During the week of recovery from surgery for my boyfriend, I worked from home the first 3 days. My bleeding was still light, and I was grateful to be home with him during this time. Wednesday night cramping started and my bleeding increased – I’ll leave out the details but if you would like to know my experience you can DM me and I can walk you through it. I was scheduled to go to work the next day but knew there was no way I could…so I took 2 personal days. The bleeding continued for the next 5 days but lightened up by Friday. I returned to RE for a scan a week and a half later and they told me there was still some “matter” inside me and my beta was not yet ZERO. I went home, was cleaning my kitchen, felt a gush, ran to the washroom (THIS IS GOING TO BE TMI SO SKIP AHEAD IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ), tore my pants down as I wasn’t wearing a pad and didn’t want to make a mess….and there wasn’t anything there …?!?- BUT my phone dropped into the toilet at the same time. SO with my pants around my ankles I run back to the kitchen, grab a ziplock bag, grab the rice and throw it and my phone inside the bag. But as I was reaching down for the rice….I felt something. I felt something slip out of me – remember my pants are still around my ankles….So once I pull myself and my phone together…I look down. And there on my kitchen floor is the last bit of “matter” a little bloody grey blob. With no emotion as I’m in shock of what has just happened, I scoop it up onto a kleenex….and flush it. And that was the end of my miscarriage.

April 2016 – I wait for my next period to start a new cycle and what feels like an eternity. New cycle monitoring starts and they put me on Femara to plump my eggs and give me the Ovidrel shot to trigger ovulation……BFN

May 2016 – Month 2 of Femara and Ovidrel…..BFN

June 2016 – Morning and Night Gonal F  injections with Ovidrel. My eggs are so big I feel like they are going to burst. The RE performs an IUI…….BFFN. Frustrated. Disappointed. Sad. Upset and over it. Decide to take 2 months off….5 weddings coming up to attend and it’s summer. I need to chill out. It’s been a year. I need a break from tracking everything every day. The next 2 months, I will not touch the thermometer, I’ll track my period and that’s it. Wedding number one in the books.

July 2016 – WE’RE ENGAGED!!!!! Happiest day ever!!! Wedding number two in the books. Loving everything! Summer weather is perfect!!! And then…..I get laid off….soo…not sure what the plan is because that really cuts into our fertility treatment fund.

August 2016 – Wedding number three happens and the job hunt starts. That didn’t take long – I got a new job and start in 2 weeks!! I start spotting and go out and buy some tampons and liners preparing for the dreadful AF (aunt flow). We attend wedding number four (where one of my best girlfriend’s and I joke in the bathroom – “I could be pregnant right now!!”) and I wake up severally hungover, throw up all day and suddenly realize…..I’m late.  I find a cheapy dollar store test I have at home and take it…BFP. WTF. We can’t believe it!!!! I hear a lot of “told you just to chill outs” from my new fiance.  Go to RE to confirm and check my beta levels. 4 weeks 2 days = 326.7, 4w4d = 941.3!!! Tripled!! So excited!! Already feels stronger then last time!! Schedule our week 6 scan for a week and a half away. I start my new job and suddenly have full anxiety about being pregnant and having to tell them in 3 months. Hang out with gf again who tells me she’s still late but hasn’t taken a test yet. I don’t tell her about my BFP but tell her I’m back at the RE taking meds and that’s why I can’t drink. My gf confirms days later – BFP. OMG we’re pregnant at the same time. But she doesn’t know…

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